What, ME Worry?!
Let’s dive into something a little deeper today, shall we?
The Worry (with a capital W) is taking over my life right now, and this is NOT a good thing. My mind has been filled nearly constantly with worry. The more I think, the more I worry. As a mostly rational human, I understand that many of the things I worry about are completely out of my control. I don’t really discuss my faith here, but I am indeed praying about these things and trying hard to realize, as I said before, that it’s mostly (all?) out of my control. But that doesn’t keep me from worrying anyway. I feel like all of that CHANGE I mentioned is coming at me way too fast. For someone slow to change, any change is way too fast. The bigger issue is too much CHANGE at once. Too many things to worry about that are all on the horizon. As much as I try to just worry about one thing at a time-the most important, the most imminent problem for now-I can’t help but worrying about how THIS thing will affect that OTHER thing that I’m not supposed to be worrying about just yet. It can so easily turn in to an all-consuming downward spiral of Worry. If that makes any sense at all. If you, too are a Worrier, then you are probably nodding your head, thinking that this all makes perfect sense.
Unless you are like The Picky Apple. In which case, you’re thinking I’m just a wee bit nuts. That’s okay. There’s probably some truth to that.
The Picky Apple is the anti-Worrier. He is the complete opposite of me. In response to things I say, he frequently says, “I’ll worry about it when I need to.” or “I’ll worry about it when that happens.” He considers things, but doesn’t worry about things. On the one hand, that’s what I strive to be like. It is quite admirable to be able to do that. To live in the moment. On the other hand, as a Worrier, it drives me more than a little crazy. Because how can you NOT be thinking about these THINGS that are on the verge of happenning?! Doesn’t he even CARE?! (Of course, the obvious answer is that he does care. Just as much as I do.) Again, I know he is indeed thinking of these things. Just not worrying about them needlessly. But sometimes this results in his responses to my worry not being what I was looking for. Because he doesn’t get it. Or more to the point, he does get it, and he’s consciously trying not to fuel my worry any further. That’s probably for the best.
The other night I unloaded much of my Worry on The Picky Apple. I went on for hours, I kid you not. “What if? What if? What if? What IF? WHAT IF?!” At first, The Picky Apple was kind and reassuring. Then he was just annoyed with me. His advice (which he has repeated countless times, like a broken record), is to focus on whatever problem is the most immediate. Not only because that’s what he really believes, but probably also because he can see that telling me not to worry altogether is a lost cause. I know I shouldn’t have unloaded on him like that the other night. It was just one of those days where I had been bottling up all the Worry and exploded. I (hopefully) won’t be doing that again.
Last night, we had a nice anniversary dinner out at a fancy steakhouse. In the car and at the beginning of dinner I was struggling to avoid the topics of Worry that aren’t the most imminent ones. Surely a married couple of 6 years can come up with something to talk about, right? And we did. It was wonderful.
I’m struggling right now to live in the moment. To focus on my daily To-Do Lists. Cleaning and decluttering. Cooking. Running errands. This will be our first full week of our regular schedule and routines, and I think that’s going to help immensely.
Most importantly, I’ll be spending quality time with The Picky Apple and The Littlest Apple instead of spending time with Worry. Although The Littlest Apple is a very challenging two year old right now, he’s also saying and doing some of the most amazing things. (Amazing to us, anyway.) Things I want to remember forever. Like the other day when I hurt my foot and he patted me and said,” Don’t worry Mommy. It’s going to be ok.” Things like that I don’t want to miss because I’m too busy Worrying.
Hello, were we separated at birth? I nodded throughout this entire post. Did that, doing that. I know exactly how you feel and I have to say, you have a much better grip on Worry than I do. And on how your husband feels/responds to Worry. My husband is the exact same way (maybe a guy thing?), but I wasn’t able to really understand WHY he didn’t worry until I read this post. Ha! I bet you weren’t expecting to assist another worrywart in writing this, were you? When I worry until my head starts spinning (yes, that happens!) I force myself to sit down and write out everything I’m worried about – big and small stuff – and then when I’m finished I just set it aside and force myself to stop thinking about any of it for the rest of the day. In the short term it simply allows me to just chill out and take a breather.
Anyway, big hugs to you, Cara, from one worrier to another. It’s hard to ignore those worries, and to live in the moment as if there’s nothing looming. But you can, and I know WILL do it!!
Ok girls. You have another one in the worry / anxiety club. I worry about anything and everything from not having a clean enough house to dying in a car accident. Yup pretty much everything in between too.
I think my biggest worry is pleasing people. I can not stand having anyone upset at me.
I do have a great and understanding husband (he deals with people like me for his job LOL) which helps alot.
Anyway, just wanted you both to know you are not alone!
Thanks so much for sharing Cara! (and Mari-Ann)
If you ever need to feel better, just send me an e-mail and I will e-mail you back a list of everything I worry about. It’ll be so long you won’t help but laugh!
Cara, you and I are two peas in a pod. I worry worry worry, and throw around what if’s, and my hubby is the same as your Picky Apple. Not a worry in sight. I’ve gotten much better than I used to be, and honestly, it’s because of the kids. Like you said, if you spend too much time worrying you miss what they’re doing… and it’s just not worth it. But part of me will always love the worrier side of me, and indulge now and then.
I hear you, lady, loud and clear 🙂 Wish I could wisk away the worries, but I think you’re headed in the right direction!
Ooooh I can so relate to this! I have a very hard time with change and with the unknown. I spent about a year knowing that we would be moving, ‘somewhere,’ ‘probably far,’ and ‘maybe in the next 4 months but probably in the next year and a half.’ Talk about lots of worry!! I can TOTALLY relate. And my husband is the same way, almost to a fault, as yours. He is so NOT worried that I double-worry to compensate. And then I get mad at him for his ‘lack of investment’ or whatever problem I’ve invented that day.
You want to know something silly that worked for me? Every day, I would set aside 15 minutes to worry as much as I could. I would usually do it in the evening. All day, when I felt the worry creeping in, I would remind myself that I didn’t have time to worry right then, that I would get it all done in the evening. It was a little weird, but for me, it WORKED. I would sit and worry while Brian was near, and when the time was up, I would take a deep breath and try to regroup and get on with it, knowing I would have a chance to worry again tomorrow. I know…bizarre…but it worked. A lot of my worry was either unquantifiable (we might be moving soon) and most of the rest was related to finances. I spent many months unable to sleep at night. Setting the time limit was what got me out of the quagmire. Maybe something like that might work for you?
I wish I had some amazing words of wisdom for you…but all I can say is that we women are worryers! I do the same things. *sigh* Someday we’ll hopefully be in a place where we won’t have anything to worry about.
🙂 Katie
To all the worriers…my heart goes out to you but as one who is 51 years old and been thru much in my lifetime I need to say to all of you…STOP IT RIGHT NOW! You are taking away from the most precious time in your lives by doing all this fretting and it will not change one thing!!! What will be will be! I am supposed to be heading in to my “golden” years and I can tell that I wished I realized when I was your age that the “golden” years are where you young women are right this minute! Yes, when the kids are spilling juice on the floor, waking up 5 times a night, pulling on your apron strings, your husband is leaving his socks and underwear on the floor – these are the best years of your life! I can promise you this…”you will miss this”! I have seen birth, I have seen death, I have seen time track it’s way across my face and my body, I have cried more tears than I thought one person should have to, I have felt my body give way well before it’s time. Take hold of your husband’s face when he gets home tonight and give him a kiss from your heart, tell him that you love more than anything, hold your children tightly and tell them you will always be there for them and you love them more than life…and ENJOY your lives. Trouble will find you soon enough so savour the time that it is still looking for you and hasn’t found you yet!!! God Bless each and every one of you! 🙂
I can relate to so much of this. I am A Worrier. I have no advice, just sending warm thoughts and (((hugs))) to you. And, I know that it’s not something you can simply turn on and off. If only! 🙂 It sounds like you have a strong husband to lean on, annoyed though he may be. 🙂 I have the same thing here and don’t know what I’d do without him! Take care and I’ll keep you (and your worries) in my prayers.